Silence

Silence...
Last year i never would have said that i enjoyed silence, three months ago i don't believe i would have said it either. But Silence has been the summary of what God has been teaching me lately. It's kind of weird, that i am embracing something so opposite of who i am, But there is a time for all things. While in Honduras God spoke to me about alot of things in my life, through my silence of not having a voice. There was nothing to tune out to, i had no radio, no computer, no distractions. I went to Honduras planning to do so much, to do all these activities, you know to work out my salvation and to show all these people all these things. Instead i had no voice, which meant no words to speak, and only action to take. Alot of emotions came forth due to the lost of my voice. The first day i kind of had a sense of humor about it. Second day i tried to show my faith by saying God will give me back my voice tomorrow, by the third day, i was broken. Broken, hurt, defenseless, and vunerable, vunerable being the worst of all those in my book. Unsure why God had me in another country with no voice, and not be able to be productive as i had planned brought me to a place of vunerability that went deeper then most people can even begin to understand, those who know me well and those who do not, don't know and couldn't know the depths of vunerability i was brought into. I was forced to take a long hard look at my life, where my dependance was and who God made and called me to be, and it was a scary place to be. It meant facing the fears that i have carried within me for a very long time, and as The Sacred Romance puts it( the book i am reading) I had to face my message of the arrows.
Things that i had long avoided discussing, fears that i knew were there, parts of me that i was afraid to give to God, were brought out into the open before me and before God. My walls that i so frequently hide behind, my insecurities that i have carefully hidden and carried with me for years were there in front of me. And God was speaking directly to me about them. While i sat in silence. I'm not going to play you all for fools and say i was openly willing and ready to deal with these things, it was terrifying. Because it really meant being honest about the calling God has given to me. It meant no more running, it meant no playing games, and it meant allowing myself to be torn down only to be built back up by God. Tearing down a building in a way that it can be still built back up is know easy task, ask any construction worker about that. I knew allowing God to tear down those things in my life that i no longer needed to carry wasn't going to be easy. But i knew HE loves me and HIS plan is so greater then mine, and so the process began and is still ongoing. All in Silence. He spoke to my heart about me, and the woman HE created. He has spoken to me about my fears of other's opinions, and He spoke to me about the fear of people's condemnation. He spoke to me of His love and reminded me that before His accusers there was also a time where HE himself remained silent. His silence spoke louder to the people then anything HE could have said while being accused. His actions showed His love, as I learned His actions through me would speak multitudes. There is a time to speak, but there is also a time to be silent. If our lives our always full of distractions and noise, How will we ever learn the importance of silence. What is God speaking to you about in your silence? Does HE need to take away your voice as well, for you to hear Him? Are you willing to let Him tear you down only to build you back up, stronger in Him? Think about these things..