Holding on

Wow, as i sit here thinking about what life has entailed for me in the last six months I am thrown by all that has happened/ occurred. I have obtained things i believed were unattainable, as well as faced some of the hardest things from my past. All of which have been freeing and deathly scary. But it has been good. This ride i have taken the journey i have embarked on has stretched molded, and grounded me further and deeper into what i believe and where i stand on hard subjects, such as drinking, homosexuality, fear, mental health, and mqany others things. Each thing i have encountered and struggled through, chasin God, and His will and His plan, yet understanding also the struggles of others, has been worth every step that i have taken. I had to make hard choices, and even harder have had to stick by those choices. People have been hurt by my decisions, some even offended, but i know that i have needed to make them, though many have hurt me as well.

Amongst the things i have had to let go of has been drinking. As most people know this has been a long and hard battle for me. I enjoy having a drink, but what may sometimes seem as one harmless drink has led to harmful nights down the road. It has been six weeks since i last had a drink, beer margarita, anything. It's been freeing to be completely honest, but scary as some points. I didn't have withdrawals or anything from it. The scary part was seeing the toll it took upon my life. I made choices and decisions that were not at all very intelligent. I hurt my friends, and myself. So i have now embarked once again on to my path in life with a mindset of staying away from drinking. I have started down this road, many times before, and i have left this road many times before. I am learning growing and hopefully maturing, and i knew i needed to let go. Sometimes the things we hold on to the tightest are the things we seems to find our indentities in. When we let go we fear what people may say or think of us. I'm not afraid anymore, i'mover it, the fear anyway. I am not weak because i don't drink i am stronger for knowing that it isn't the healthiest of things for me to be doing right now. Anyway, that's not even the tip of the iceberg, but it is what i felt like writing, may you have a wonderful day, letting go of you, and grabbing a hold of HIM.