Alive

How do you explain in a blog when you have seen God in a new amazing way? When it was in such a way that it alters your life, your mind and everything you are? When it grabs you and holds you and you hold your breathe because you never want that moment to end. Last night, that was me. Last night it was as if Gods was my daddy, He was sitting beside me, listening to me,and most of all, hearing me. As my real father had once done. God sat beside me, telling me that HE was proud of me. Telling me that i'm not garbage but His beautiful little girl. And that HE knew how much it hurts sometimes, and that HE would ALWAYS be there for me, and for the first time in a very long time, the heavyness, the weight, the hurts feelings, the struggles were lifted, and i saw the face of a God, who loves me. My parents death wasn't a punishment, my nephews death wasn't a punishment, it was situations that happened. I wasn't alone, for HE was there. The fears, the lonliness, the hurts and the desire to still hold on that has been driving me for soo long, was gone. I went to Sanctuary a broken, young girl afraid of life, and afraid to live and came out a young woman that has conquered and been healed of some of the deepest wounds one can go through.

I saw my friends waiting outside of the sanctuary for me, and i went up to them without hesitation and reintroduced myself. For they had not seen me, but seen the shell of a broken child. My heart was smiling last night, and i know that my family in heaven was smiling as well. I know my father, my God, was smiling down on me, possibly saying to my earthly dad saying, "Look at how our little girl has grown." Smiling from ear to ear. I do not need the approval of other people, but simply the approval of my heavenly father.

I have a lot to do. Decisions to make, goals to pursue, a life set out before that is calling me to once again live, not merely survive. The path before me, will not always be easy, but i know beyond doubt that I am NEVER alone.