Labeled Survivor

Labeled Survivor

Heather Jo Trombly 8/27/08
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Labeled a survivor, but what's it mean to survive
I feel mostly dead, maybe a little alive
I had no choice, what was i suppose to do
Run and hide, scared of all i knew?

I didn't choose to survive, that's all I've ever known.
To be an adult, before i was even grown.
I couldn't run with my tail between my legs, No, I
Could not, should not, Would not believe that lie.

You say I'm a survivor, because i made it through
But to be honest what else could i do?
I had to keep going, avoiding the temptation to look back
I endured because i had to, as i felt each smack.

I'm not a survivor, I just forced my way
When people said i couldn't, I didn't let my determination sway
They said I'd fail, I'd be the next one dead
But i had different plans instead.

I would make it through,
Even though they didn't think it'd be true.
I kept going, taking care of me
Being everything they said i couldn't be.

Statistics said i should have ten kids or spending my life in jail.
But i kept on going, afraid to fail..
I saw hate first hand, and instead i choose to love.
Because I knew it needed to be different if I'd rise above.

So i look at each person as special to my heart
Never desiring to loose them, or to ever depart.
I know the hurts, I have felt intense pain
So i try to protect others, and myself end up going insane.

I try so hard, Because i can't comprehend less
I try so hard to protect other's lives from being a mess.
Because it scares me, that they might not make it through
It scares me, that they may not do what they need to do.

So i take things into my own hands, in love, not control
And i end up creating a mess and am left with this hole
Left hurt in the ruins, of something once strong
Because i wanted to make things work, yet they went more wrong.

So once again i keep going, trying not to look back
It would hurt less to be getting smack after smack.
No excuses, this is me raw and real
I know i need to get better, i need to heal

I need to depend once again in me, not in family and friend
I came into this world alone, and that's how it'll end.
The scars i wear both inside and out
Do not make me a survivior, that's not what I'm about.

I'm about loving people, in good and bad, until my last breathe
I'm about enjoying every minute i have, until my death.
I'm loud, I'm goofy, and at times i can be quiet
I love to laugh, and could probably use a diet.

I hate confrontation, but will come out swinging, if i'm forced to fight
I want to, yearn to, try to do things lovingly, tho it doesn't always happen so right.
I don't want this disorder, this pstd
To be held over my head, because it's my reality.

I know it's there, like everything in my past in doesn't go away
But i will overcome it, despite what other people say.
I don't need a mother to tell me what i need to do
I need a friend who will walk beside me, in the trials i go through.

I need someone to join in my trials to walk by my side
I don't need people to be afraid, cause i'm emotional or i've cried.
Just like surviving isn't what makes me
Neither does a disorder or pstd.


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There has been a lot of things happening in my life lately. Well in the past few months or so. There has been a lot to digest, a lot to try to understand and alot to deal with. As i have learned recently sometimes the very things that can be such a blessing can also be quite a curse. And i want people to realize that as much as my past seems to make people think i'm strong, it does not define who i am, as well as my recent issues don't define me. ...So much to digest...ugh