I will follow

So i've been reading this book lately and it depicts perfectly how i've been feeling surrounding many of the events that are or have taken place in my life lately. The author depicts quite well many of my emotions and feelings quite well so i am just going to write an excerpt from the book and let you all ponder it for yourselves.


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Whatever form each of our intimate adventures has taken in our fantasies, or in " real life," this Sacred Romance is set within all of our hearts and will not go away. It is the core of our spiritual journey. Any religion that ignores it survives only as a guilt-induced legalism, a set of propositions to be memorized and rules to be obeyed.
Someone or soemthing has romanced us from the beginning with creek-side singers and pastel sunsets, with austere majesty of snow capped mountains and the poignant flames of autumn colors telling us of something or someone leaving with a promise of return. These things can, in an ungaurded moment, bring us to our knees with longing for this something or someone who is lost;someone or something only our heart recognizes. C.s. lewis knew this longing well:

Even in your hobbies, has there no always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of- something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through,the smell of cut wood in the workshop or the clap clap of water against a boat's side? Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet a human being who has some inkling ( but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for,listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been hints of it - tantilizing glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest- if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself-you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say" Here at last is the thing i was made for." We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unapeaseable want, the thing we desired before we even met our wives, or made our friends, or chose our work, and which shall desire on our deathbeds, when mind no longer knows wife or friend or work. While we are this is. If we lose this, we lose all.


Indeed Art, literature, and music have all portrayed and explored the Romance, or its loss, in myriad scenes, images, sounds, and charectors,that nonetheless speak to us out of the same story. The universality of the story is the reason Shakespeare's plays, even thought they speak to us from pastoral setting in England acroos 400 hundred years of time, speak so eloquently and faithfully that they are stillperformed on stages from Tokyo to New York City.
It is as if someone has left us with haunting in our inner heart stories that will not go away; nor will it allow itself to be captured and ordered. The Romance comes and goes as it wills. And so we are haunted by it.

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Sometimes people will never get me. I guess that's something i need to accept. Maybe that's what God is trying to teach me. Who is my master the people in my life or Him. I think that's it. I work so hard at times to just feel like people somewhat get me. Maybe just maybe this is God saying..heather i got you. I have you, your mine. I know where God wants me, and i know what He wants me to do. He is my master, and i WILL follow HIM. I struggle with wanting people to take me serious, to care about what i say, sometimes all i need is to hear someone say they are proud of me, and i think God is teaching me that He is proud of me, it doesn;t matter how many people think that my heart might not be right. God knows my heart. He is my head and my authority. He has provided so much so far, why would i wander from His path to follow men? I won't. I know my shepherd's call, i have heard from Him, and He is who i will follow.I leave you with this verse.

Galatians 1:10
10Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.