Back to normalcy, or something like that....

Life has been hectic, crazy, busy, and challenging for me lately as most of you know who read this. Challenges have been set before me, and trials have surfaced. I have questioned a lot of the things that i have learned from Christiandom, and have even i guess somewhat strayed and took my eyes off the most important thing to me, glorifying God. I'm not sure where i started to depend on myself rather then Him, or even when i started to let bitterness control me, but it happened. And once i noticed how far i was it broke me. I love God, but i honestly struggle at times. I know all people have their " dry times" but i think that's an excuse we make up to try to justify what we're doing or how we're living. I'm not going to sit here, and try to bullcrap God, just like i'm not going to try and bullcrap any of you, by saying i have been okay all this time. I haven't. But God spoke to me alot this weekend, A whole lot. He spoke to me about my dependence upon myself, He spoke to me, about the fact that HE doesn't need me, but that i need Him. I saw for myself who i am without God. I saw my sin for the ugliness of what it truly is. But i also saw alot of things. Verses from job convicted me, where God was asking Job did you make this? Did you create that? I now have a heart knowledge that matches up to the head knowledge of the fact that i am nothing without Christ. I forgot what it was like to be on the bottom, rock bottom. I forgot how horrible i am, when i do what i want to do, and take my eyes off Christ. I am soo grateful for grace. I am soo grateful for forgiveness and i am so grateful for the people that i have in my life, who, love me despite how wretched i am.