Blessed

Do you know what it's like to see your whole world crash around you, in front of everyone, and there is nothing you can do to change what has happened? Because of the circumstances people now have this picture or idea of who they think you are, when in reality they have no clue what's happening in your head or in your heart. That's how i've felt recently. Alot of people see me as this goofball who is 25 and acts like she is 10. They see me as someone who has all these crazy ideas that never seem to happen, or that i follow through with. I know that's how hey percieve me, and sometimes rightly so. But there is a side of me that alot of people don't take the time to know. The side of me that has been through soo much, and has been hurt and affected by the circumstances of life and reality more then most people know. Their is a side of me that loves to pray with people, that loves to encourage people, that loves to love. I screw up as much as the next guy, or well, probably more. And i struggle. I struggle alot. I struggle with things that hurt me deeper then most would care to know and with things that affect me every single day. But i have a hope. Not a hope to try harder, but a hope in someone greater then i cold ever be. When i stumble He catches me when i fall He picks me back up, and when i cry He holds me. I struggle with waking up each day and choosing to follow God rather then my own emotions and desires. Because life would be so much more pleasant for me if i just lived for myself. But God has me here for a reason. Sometimes it's hard to swallow that God's plan is geater then my own, sometimes i struggle with my own idols i have in my life. But i know that God is bigger the my struggles and bigger then my hurt and bigger then the people who continously hurt me. He is bigger thenmy shortcomings and my mistakes. And He has blessed me in so may ways. Though there are many people who have only seen me at my worst, God has put other people in my life who do you me. And i am very blessed to have that. I have some of the most amazing friends, who know my struggles and know my shortcomings and love me despite them. They pray with me, laugh with me and at times cry with me to. Our friendships aren't based on superficial friendlyness, but on Jesus Christ. On how HE says to love one another, on His Truth, and with Him as the head. Many people aren't blessed enough to have these kinds of friends, and i am grateful for God placing them in my life. I love you guys more then anything. And i am always here for you guys...m.b., t.d., b.g.,you guys are amazing! Thank you for taking the time to see me.